Paternoster posted this following blog CLICK HERE to read full article
This was a very disturbing piece of literature to read from a Stake President on many levels.
1. He used the name of the sister he interviewed. If it was a fake name he would have made that disclaimer. This displays lack of confidentiality to which is his sacred duty to keep. Anyone in his stake will know exactly who she is and her bedroom practices.
2. The blog has no "warning" disclaimer in the beginning. The church is constantly trying to educate parents to filter inappropriate content from our children. Paternoster's blog unashamably describes sexual content which can be read from teenagers or children without their parents knowledge or consent.
3. Paternoster only displays a portion of the facts and indicates it as doctrine. You will find that many of Paternosters writings are his own opinions. Although in his introduction he makes the disclaimer that he does not represent the church, it was very early on and I wouldnt think many people have seen this disclaimer and just accept whatever he says as Gospel truth.
4. As the curator of his own blog, he can delete inappropriate comments that use foul language or just plain off color - actually he can delete any comment he likes. The comments under his blog are often so disgusting, the whole blog should be deleted.
So lets deal with the doctrine of LDS & oral sex.
Well first of all we need to understand what is doctrine. Only written in the standard church are actually considered doctrine.
Whenever new doctrines are to be introduced, they are first presented by the President to his counselors and then to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in a meeting of the council of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. If unanimously approved, they are then presented to the membership of the Church at a general conference for a sustaining vote.
Pres Harold B Lee stated in a conference “If anyone, regardless of his position in the Church, were to advance a doctrine that is not substantiated by the standard Church works, meaning the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl Of Great Price, you may know that his statement is merely his private opinion. The only one authorized to bring forth any new doctrine is the President of the Church, who, when he does, will declare it as revelation from God, and it will be so accepted by the Council of the Twelve and sustained by the body of the Church. And if any man speak a doctrine which contradicts what is in the standard Church works, you may know by the same token that it is false and you are not bound to accept it as truth.”
So even a declaration or letter signed by the First Presidency is not considered doctrine. It can most often be considered wise or good advise. It can be church policy, values or standards. It can very well be highly advised.
Ok so lets go through history of this subject as it seems people want absolute clarification. Some people are wishing the church would be more forthright and spell out exactly what the stand is. One brother in the comments wants the church to say if anal is ok. Before you look for absolute clarification lets look at D&C 58:26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.
This scripture encourages us to seek somethings out for ourselves, be wise and prudent. Do you need to be told exactly what soda you can and cant drink? Do you need to be told exactly what you can and cant listen to on the radio? Do you need to be told who to vote for? Do you need to be told exactly what you can do in the bedroom with your spouse? - if you do then maybe you are a slothful and not a wise servant.
Counsel regarding physical intimacy within marriage has been rare until recently. In 1978, the First Presidency added a statement to the Temple recommend questions that indicated that those who had not repented of “impure, unholy, or unnatural sex acts” could not receive a recommend. This obviously led to some uncomfortable conversations with bishops and the First Presidency released another letter in 1982 that stated that bishops “should never inquire into personal, intimate matters involving marital relations between man and his wife.” This counsel is still contained in Temple Recommend instructions.
There is no doubt that President Kimball had certain behaviors in mind when considering these “unnatural” acts. A letter that was briefly circulated by the first presidency in 1982 included oral sex to be considered among these acts. This counsel, while not officially rescinded, has not been reiterated since and is generally unknown. Starting in 1985, the Temple recommend question was simplified to, “Do you live the law of Chastity?”
President Hinckley categorized as spousal abuse the “demand [of] offensive intimate relations” in the priesthood session of 1990 April conference. Further, he stated that “You must judge within your heart whether you are guilty of any practice that is unholy, impure, or in any way evil before the Lord.” The current General Handbook (1998) states that “sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a means of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife.” This, effectually, leaves the considerations of intimacy to couples and God.
To read official church policy on the Law of Chastity & sexual sin CLICK HERE
for those of you who are too lazy to move your mouse and click the link above - I'll copy & paste a segment here - I really love the first part.
Physical intimacy between husband and wife is beautiful and sacred. It is ordained of God for the creation of children and for the expression of love within marriage.
The Lord and His prophets condemn sexual immorality. All sexual relations outside of marriage violate the law of chastity and are physically and spiritually dangerous for those who engage in them.......
Merely refraining from sexual intercourse outside of marriage is not sufficient in the Lord’s standard of personal purity. The Lord requires a high moral standard of His disciples, including complete fidelity to one’s spouse in thought and conduct. In the Sermon on the Mount, He said: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:27–28). ....and it goes on. nothing at all about how a married couple conduct themselves in private.
One consistency you will find about the LDS church - if it is a serious problem and intended to be doctrine from God, you will hear about it over and over and over and over again.
Its very easy to show how oral sex is not condemmed by the Lord, There are more things I can copy and paste from the official LDS handbook, but let this not justify why a man might say to his wife "see its not a sin" and use it to dominate he desires over her. Reading many comments under Paternoster's blog it is evident that some spouses may feel pressured by the other. Sexual relations between man and woman need to be worked out together. If one is exercising dominion over the other to satisfy sexual desire, this may be constituted as abuse, if abuse is present, this is not in harmony with the Spirit of the Lord. My personal view if there is an unbalance in these relations is to go to a qualified sex therapist, as they can help work things out for the mutual benefit of both the husband and wife. Some people may have been a victim of sexual abuse and the other spouse would show awesome love and empathy if they understood the deep pains their husband/wife may contain within. Therapy isn't to say you are broken. Therapy is liberating. See a professional for help - your Bishop may be able to recommend and LDS sex therapist or maybe a paid LDS counsellor. LDS counsellors are paid by the church and in my experience very professional and expert in their field. I highly recommend them. Your Stake President or Bishop are called of God, but on the whole, are just men, untrained in such matters. If you feel you need professional guidance, theres no shame in asking for it. Husbands, if you feel you need a desire fulfilled but your wife cant deliver, seek the source of her issues. It will be liberating for both of you, Therapists are trained to do this.
This of course is my opinion, I do not represent the church however I have copied and pasted LDS Handbook of instructions
Paternoster states in his blog says "I asked the couple to report back in one month on their progress, after which I will be happy to sign their recommends."
To reiterate the ealier comment above 'The First Presidency released another letter in 1982 that stated that bishops “should never inquire into personal, intimate matters involving marital relations between man and his wife.” This counsel is still contained in Temple Recommend instructions.
